


I wish I could play your father (2)

by vogue91



Series: Yakuza!Verse [4]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Yakuza, Confrontations, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 14:26:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16327712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: There were moments where he wished he would've had by his side someone capable of understanding what Yuri was saying, because under those circumstances it looked like they spoke different languages.





	I wish I could play your father (2)

**Author's Note:**

> Story is a spin off of this: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16326638/chapters/38193899  
> For all the various spin offs and explanations, here's the link: http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/10/takachii-yakuza-verse.html  
> The story as a different take from 'Together' as to how Yuya and Yuri ended up having a child.

 

Sometimes, Yuri thought that all of his efforts were perfectly useless.

He couldn’t blame it all on Yuya, after all. It wasn’t his fault that he missed every nuance in his behaviour, that he missed whatever Yuri tried to make him understand without speaking openly, and the younger was seriously starting to wonder what he could've done that he hadn't already to make him see that there was something they should've talked about.

That morning he had been more nervous than usual, before getting so impatient that he created a fight out of nothing.

Yuya seemed to have at least noticed that he wasn’t okay, in that case, but he had made no particular effort to try and understand what was wrong.

Yuri had sought refuge at Kei’s place, meeting Kota on the door, on his way to go get Yuya and then go to work.

“You’re here early.” the elder pointed out, wearing his jacket and taking his stuff from the small table at the entrance.

Yuri shrugged.

“Didn’t feel like being home.” was all he explained, without giving him any detail. “Go, before Yuya gets mad at you for being late.” he spurred him then, saying goodbye to him and heading to the kitchen.

He found Kei leaning toward the high chair, a jar of baby food in his hand and most of its content spread between his hair and his clothes. When he saw him come in he turned around and smiled.

“Hi, Yuri.” he greeted him, standing straight and waving at him, then went back looking at the baby. “Kyo-chan? Look, Yuri’s come to visit, wave at him.” he spurred him, but the child didn’t seem interested in Yuri’s arrival, and he’d rather hold out his hand to let it end up straight inside the jar.

Kei rolled his eyes, while Chinen seemed to have forgotten any nervousness or bad mood, and burst out laughing.

“I see we still have some problem understanding eating is not a game.” he pointed out, while the elder gave up feeding the baby something else and walked to the sink, try to get himself cleaned.

“So it seems.” he said, washing up and then picking Kyohei up, cleaning his face as well. “But when he’s with his other dad he’s a good boy, isn’t he?” he made fun of him, getting his face close to his and making a funny face, the child laughing at that.

Kei raised his eyes on Yuri, vaguely embarrassed, and then nodded for him to follow them to the bathroom.

“Why are you here so early? I thought we had made plans for lunch.” he said, taking the romper off of Kyohei and checking the water’s temperature before starting to wash him.

Yuri bit his lip, unsure as to what to say to his friend.

“I didn’t want to stay home, to tell you the truth. And I thought you would've been here with Kyo-chan before going out, so I thought I wasn’t going to bother you.”

Kei smiled, nodding vigorously before turning toward his son again.

“You never bother. And anyway, when Kota’s at work I can always use a couple more arms.”

And Yuri proved how right he actually was, and helped him as much as he could bathing the kid, who seemed to have woken up particularly cheerful that morning, and with the clear intent of making them go crazy in the attempt of keeping him still.

But if Yuri had hoped that was going to be enough to keep his mind occupied, he had severely miscalculated.

He was there right now for more than one reason, but he didn’t feel comfortable exposing none of them to his friend right now.

He wanted to get out of home so that he didn’t have to see Yuya, of course. And he wanted to spend time with Kei and Kyohei, but as much as he tried he couldn’t feel wholly happy.

Yuri had never been the envious type. With all that had happened to him through his whole existence, he had never once thought he would've wanted to trade place with someone else. Even less with Kei, even though he had stabilized now, after years of struggling.

But now, he envied him. He envied him for what he had, for how simple his happiness was, because he didn’t need to ask, because Kota had become way too good during the years to fulfil his every need.

He shook his head, sighing and helping Kei dry the baby up and dressing him, bringing him back to the living room, where Kei held him in his arms while he sat on the couch, in front of the younger.

“So? What’s wrong, really?” he asked then, looking knowingly at him, as to let him now he wasn’t going to believe in any excuse.

Yuri bit his lip, shrugging.

“There’s nothing wrong, Kei. It’s just...” he snorted, making as to talk again before the elder interrupted him.

“What’s Yuya done to you?” he asked, suspicious, and despite everything Yuri laughed.

“Nothing.” he reassured him. “I mean... it’s not really his fault if I feel like this. It’s just that I always expect him to understand what I want without me having to say it, and...” he paused, seeing the confused look on Kei’s face and choosing to be more direct. “It’s been since you and Kota have taken Kyohei that I’ve been starting to think about what kind of future Yuya and I could possibly have together. I’ve tried to hint at it, but I’ve just come to the conclusion that he doesn’t want a family, that it’s not in his intentions and that he doesn’t even think about it.” he explained, blushing all of a sudden and leaning forward, getting his hand close to Kyohei for him to play with his fingers.

Kei looked thoughtful, frowning.

“Yuri… do you want a child?” he asked then, point blank.

Chinen blushed even harder, then he pulled back and stood up, starting to walk around the room.

“I know I'm young. I know I'm twenty and all and, gods, I also know Yuya’s thirteen years older than me. But he’s all I have. Yuya and that home, so it makes no sense for me to think I'm too young for something like this, because there’s never going to be a right moment. I love Yuya, and a family is all I could possibly want with him, it’s what I miss to finally feel at peace with myself and finally bury my past for good. All of my past.” he sighed again. “Yes, Kei. I want a child.”

 

~

 

Yuya was fidgeting.

There were moments where he wished he would've had by his side someone capable of understanding what Yuri was saying, because under those circumstances it looked like they spoke different languages.

It was pointless for the elder to play the part of the misunderstood one, it was pointless to hear him recriminate and hint about their life together and the fact that they were heading nowhere.

Bullshit.

He understood what Yuri wanted from him, because as stupid or insensitive as his boyfriend thought he was, he wasn’t so blind that he didn’t realize what he was asking for.

He had thought about it as well, after all, but he had closed the door on that thought before growing accustomed to the idea.

A child.

It was simply ridiculous.

If facing the subject hadn't hurt that much, he would've asked Yuri if he remembered how he had ended up there in the first place, if the scars on his skin were enough to remind him, if he really know everything about Yuya’s past, his job and the kind of man he was.

What kind of father could he possibly be?

He hated that thought and he hated comparing himself to Yuri, because he knew that the younger would've been the best father ever, and he knew it just by seeing how naturally he took care of others.

Yuya was pulling the brakes on something he wanted, but he wasn’t going to give in as if it was a whim, and not something which would've completely changed their lives.

When he got inside Kota’s car, a little later that morning, he didn’t fail to show all of his disappointment, choosing the dashboard as sacrificial lamb.

“You’re both in a peachy mood, I see.” Yabu commented, sarcastic, driving through the streets in Kabuki-chou.

Yuya raised his eyes on him, frowning.

“What do you mean? Is Yuri at your place?”

The younger nodded.

“He’s arrived a few minutes before I got out, and he didn’t look happy at all. What have you done to him? Did you fight?”

Takaki snorted, theatrically collapsing against his seat.

“I think he’s mad at me for that kid thing. Not that I know that for sure, of course, since he refuses to speak clearly.” he complained.

Kota rolled his eyes, sighing.

“But since he doesn’t want to talk about it, since for once you’ve understood that on your own, shouldn’t you let him know you got what he meant?”

Yuya paused, quickly picturing the direction such an argument would've taken, then he shook his head.

“It would be pointless. He’s end up getting even madder at me or trying to convince me. And...” he snorted, brushing his hands over his face. “It’s all your fault, Kota! If you hadn't decided to take Kyo-chan I would've lived the rest of my days in peace!”

Yabu didn’t get mad and laughed, amused by his aniki’s capability of making him responsible for everything that was wrong in his existence.

“I thought you loved Kyohei. And anyway, we both know the problem is not me and Kei having a son. Sooner or later Yuri was bound to want something more for the two of you, wasn’t he?”

Yuya was about to tell him off, but he kept himself in check and shrugged, sighing.

“You’re right. But it doesn’t change anything, does it?”

“You really don’t even want to consider...” Kota tried, but the elder stopped him right away.

“Kota.” he said, condescending. “Do you really think I’d make a good father? That I could really be someone’s parent? Don’t be an idiot, please. I'm a yakuza.”

Yabu burst out laughing, waiting to be done parking, then turning the engine off and turning to look at him.

“I'm one too, remember? And you don’t know how you’d be with a kid, it’s not something you can possibly imagine.” he shrugged. “If Yuri wants to have a child with you it’s because he trusts that you’re going to handle yourself. After all he’s been through, after all he’s had from you and seen where you’ve ended up, I’d trust his judgment.”

Yuya didn’t reply.

He wasn’t going to change his mind so easily, for sure not without speaking with Yuri about it.

But what Kota had said surely had given him something to think about.

At that point, he just wished Yuri was going to be open and clear about it.

 

~

 

Yuri cried. He cried, quietly, curled up in bed while he felt Yuya’s weight shift on the mattress as if nervousness prevented him from staying still.

“Crying isn’t going to solve anything, Yu.” he hissed, but the younger knew him well enough to spot uneasiness in his voice.

“So? There’s nothing to solve, I just want to cry.” the younger replied, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

After a while he sat back up, looking at Yuya, frustrated.

He had thought, during the past few weeks, that the elder just didn’t want a family. And that, he was willing to accept.

What he couldn’t understand what that harsh refusal, the way the elder used the man he was as an excuse.

Yuri knew how he was. Perhaps he was the person who knew that best, he knew what he was capable of and he also knew how he was capable of changing.

But Yuya was still attached to an image of himself which didn’t belong to him anymore, and Yuri couldn’t accept something like that to prevent him from having a family.

“Yuri…” he called him, calmer. “Please, try and see it from my point of view. Think about how I grew up, I... I have no example of a nice family, nor of a good father. How could I possibly be one?”

Yuri arched an eyebrow, making a sarcastic sound.

“You’re saying that to the wrong person, Yuya. You’re saying that to someone who’s been sold by his own parents to extinguish a debt and...” he sighed, raising his arms. “I don’t know whether I'm going to be able to raise another human being, Yuu, but I know that because of the way my parents have treated me I don’t want to make those mistakes. And the same goes for you. When I’ve first met you I  had no hope things were going to change, but now I know that you can, I know the kind of man you are and I know that I want a child with you. Why can't you see it like that, why can't you even consider you might be able of doing something good?” he bit his lip, searching the right words for what he wanted to convey. “I’ve seen what you’ve done to me, Yuu, my love. And I'm still here, am I not? I'm here for what you’ve shown me you can be, I'm here because you’ve made me love you. I don’t see why after all you’ve obtained from yourself you can't believe you’d be able to be a good father for a child of ours.”

He saw Yuya sigh, without answering, so he went back laying down, snorting.

“I understand your point of view, Yuri. I do, really. It’s just that...”

“Let it go.” the younger interrupted him. “You’ve explained yourself, there’s nothing else to say.”

“Yuri, please, don’t always take it so...”

“Goodnight, Yuya.”

Yuri kept his eyes open and held his breath, listening to the elder’s, waiting for him to do or say something.

“Goodnight, Yuri.” he replied in the end, sighing and laying down next to him.

Yuri finally closed his eyes, resigned.

He was destined to lose the war.

 

~

 

Yuya felt like he had completely forgotten how to breathe.

In his mind he kept picturing scenario after scenario of what was going to happen once he would've gotten back home, and there was nothing he actually found satisfying.

He had thought about it for a while, after the night he and Yuri had talked about it.

It had been a few weeks, and things seemed to have fixed themselves, they hadn't taken up the subject anymore and they had both pretended it hadn't happened.

But Yuya knew it, he felt that something had changed in his boyfriend’s attitude, and he wasn’t sure he was going to stand that much longer.

He bit his tongue, trying to move as stealthily as possible to open the front door, walking in and being careful not to make too much noise.

“Hi!” Yuri yelled from the kitchen, and the moment Yuya heard him walk toward him he quickly looked around, as if looking for a way out, save then keeping still in the narrow hallway, when Chinen reached him.

“You’re late, dinner’s already...” he started to say, then he looked at him and opened his eyes wide.

Yuya felt his nervousness grow as the younger walked toward him, staring closely at him, and it seemed like it had been forever before he raised his eyes on him.

“Yuya... what’s this?” he murmured, then his attention was back on the baby in the elder’s arms, fidgeting with his eyes close and his fists clenched.

“It’s a newborn. It’s a baby.” the yakuza replied, holding his arms out for Yuri to take him.

“That I see. Whose is he? What... what is he doing here?” Yuri insisted, picking the child up and holding him against himself, brushing a finger on his cheek, enchanted.

“He’s of one of the girls at the brothel. She didn’t want him, Kenta-kun brought him down to the warehouse, he was so cute  that I thought...” he blushed, then he frowned and made as to take him back. “But it was a dumb idea. I should've asked you before bringing him here, I'm sorry, I’ll take him back and...”

“Wait!” Yuri stopped him, realizing he had spoken too loud, since the baby fidgeted in his arms. “Wait.” he repeated, lower. “Did... did you take him for us?”

Yuya saw the expectation in his eyes, and that thing he had done out of the heat of the moment finally started to look like a good idea.

He smiled, nodding.

“Yuri, let me introduce to you our son.” he murmured, bringing his arms around his hips and getting closer, holding the both of them softly.

“Our son.” Yuri repeated those words as if he couldn’t believe it, and he raised his eyes on him, as if understanding only now the implications of what Yuya was telling him. “But we don’t have anything! We don’t have a cradle, we don’t have clothes or diapers and nothing to feed him! What should we do? Where is he going to stay? Yuya, we have to...”

The elder pressed a hand to his mouth, chuckling.

“I stopped at a conbini to take the strictly necessary stuff. I wasn’t sure of what I should've done, so Kota’s helped me.” he grimaced. “It goes without saying, he’s told me I should've told you and that I was doing something incredibly stupid.”

Yuri chuckled and moved to the living room with Yuya and the baby, sitting on the couch and letting Yuya bring an arm around his shoulders, while they both stared at the child.

“You know what we really need?” the elder said then. “A name. Had you thought about something?”

Chinen looked thoughtful, sucking a lip past his teeth and staring at the child, then he nodded.

“Yuuki.” he said, confident, then he looked at his boyfriend for confirmation.

Yuya smiled to him, softly caressing his son’s forehead.

“Hi, Yuuki.” he murmured, confirming he liked the name.

They kept still on the couch for what felt like an eternity. Yuya moved his eyes from Yuri to Yuuki, trying to put an order to what he was feeling, trying not to get overwhelmed by the thousands of feelings unknown to him.

Kota was right, as much as he hated to admit it.

Yuri seemed different now, somehow.

As if all of a sudden he had put everything that had happened to him behind, as if that pain he had felt wasn’t hurting anymore, and there was nothing Yuya could desire more than to finally see him smile for a happiness which lacked nothing at all.

Then he looked at Yuuki, his _son_ , the one they should've nurtured and loved together, and he felt he could do this, that he was going to forget all about his own past and create something brand new with them.

He held them close, breathing deeply and finally feeling right.

He didn’t want to think about what kind of father he was going to be anymore, because he was going to take it as it came and acted accordingly to it, trying to be the best version of himself he managed.

He felt hopeful now that he looked at Yuuki, hopeful that he was going to be able to love him the way he deserved.

He was his son. He and Yuri, were his family.


End file.
